Fellmans Movie Reviews

RED = SPOILERS:

If you were a stormtrooper and you got stationed on Endor, you’d be like “Sweet! That’s where they’re making the new Death Star! There’s not gonna be anybody attacking us there…” And normally, you’d be right. It would be a suicide mission. Except that you’re forgetting how completely inept stormtroopers are. And despite having some of the most advanced equipment in the galaxy, they are able to be defeated by a small contingent of midget bears. It’s ridiculous, really. These little things were stealing their hover bikes and getting on top of their walkers. Like, you’re supposed to be The Imperial Empire. You’re supposed to strike fear into planets across the galaxy. That’s why “The Imperial March” isn’t all light-hearted and happy. It’s thunderous and threatening. It’s meant to impose fear. How can stormtroopers be taken out by a bunch of teddy bears? It’s embarrassing…

 What’s it about? Moving right along, we come to Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. This movie is about Luke’s completion of his Jedi training and finally confronting his father, Darth Vader. Meanwhile, the rebels discover that the emperor is visiting the uncompleted Death Star and form a plan to take out the shield generator on the nearby forest moon of Endor and then attack the space station with their entire Rebel fleet. After going on a mission to the forest moon with Han, Leia, and Chewy, and meeting a bunch of furry little Ewoks, Luke hands himself over to Darth Vader so he doesn’t endanger their mission. He then proceeds to duel Darth Vader while the emperor tries to convert him to the dark side. Han’s team gets the shield around the Death Star down so Lando and the rest of the Rebel Fleet can get into the superstructure and blow the space station up.  

What’s good? Return is a strong finish to the original trilogy. It’s intense, emotional, full of action. It’s got all the elements of a good story. It doesn’t leave any unfinished business or loopholes. They’re celebrating with fireworks at the end. I don’t know if that’s a plus or not, but hey, it can’t hurt, right? 

What’s bad? The Ewoks. How are those little things even standing up to those stormtroopers with their battle armor and their blasters? Those Ewoks are throwing sticks and rocks at them. Those stormtroopers have blaster rifles. How is this even a competition? Those little things are like three feet tall. All you have to do is kick them in the face. It shouldn’t be a battle. It should be a slaughter.  

The acting? The acting is good. As much as, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I like the emperor’s character more than anything else. Watching him try to turn Luke is probably the best part of the movie. 

The effects? The effects are coming from Lucas’ special effects company, Industrial Light and Magic, which is where all special effects were starting to come from at this point. So, these were top-notch special effects for 1983. The screen didn’t jump anymore when the lightsabers ignited or the doors opened or closed. Even the green screen on the rancor looked pretty good.  

The Ewoks. I hate Ewoks. Those furry little bastards were just put in the script for some mass appeal. And it worked. People love Ewoks. Most people. I am not one of those people. They were slinging rocks at stormtroopers and the stormtroopers were falling over like when a toddler shoots you with a toy gun and you play dead. It’s like “Oh… You got me…” Like, come on, man. Just get up and shoot that stupid Ewok. It can’t even form words. They live in huts in trees, man. Just shoot it, already… 

The special edition. There is no excuse for what George Lucas did with the special edition of Return of the Jedi. It was unnecessary. The added singers in Jabba’s Palace. The added appendages to the Sarlacc Pit. The added locations in the celebrations after the Death Star gets blown up. And the worst of all, changing the ghost of Sebastian Shaw to the ghost of Hayden Christensen at the end when everybody is celebrating. That is a crime that Star Wars fans across the board argue about nonstop.  

It’s still great. It’s still better than any of the sequels. But it’s nowhere near what Empire is. And speaking of sequels, that’s what we’re moving on to next. So, get ready. Because we’re coming in hot. And as always, May the Force Be With You…