Fellmans Movie Reviews

Red = Spoilers 

Diamonds Are Forever is a surprisingly good film, given that it’s Sean Connery’s last movie as James Bond and the fact that we are getting along in stories now. But this was still the early days of cinema, and everything hadn’t already been done yet. So, there was still hope for James, no matter who was playing him. 

What’s it about? In the beginning, Blofeld appears to be transforming himself somehow. Bond shows up and puts an end to it by drowning the real Blofeld in a pool of superheated mud. Next, Bond heads to Amsterdam to meet Tiffany Case, his contact under the guise of Peter Franks. On his way there the real Peter Franks shows up and Bond has to kill him and switches IDs with him to make it look like he killed James Bond. Scared, Tiffany tells Bond where the diamonds are and they use Franks’ body to ship the diamonds back to the US. After Franks is cremated, the diamonds that were inside him are in an urn and Bond has them stolen from him while they try to kill him, but they’re fake. Later, Bond meets Plenty O’Toole, an opportunistic girl who plays the tables in the casino and they go back to Bond’s room where she gets thrown out the window. Tiffany is there and Bond tells her where to get the diamonds. She goes to the circus looking for the diamonds and Plenty ends up getting killed instead of Tiffany by a case of mistaken identity. Bond gets into the Whyte House to be met by two identical Blofelds like the one from the beginning of the movie. Bond kills one of them and then gets gassed. He then goes on to rescue Willard Whyte so they can use him to help stop Blofeld. The land on the oil rig that Blofeld is using as a base of operations and blow it up to stop him.  

What’s good? It’s written well. It has a good script and the dialogue between characters is nice for a Bond movie. Watching the movies progress, you can kind of see the actors get “looser” if that is the term I’m looking for. The actors in 1962 just seemed a little stiffer than the actors in 1971. Maybe it’s just me. 

What’s bad? It can get a little overdramatic at times. There’s some overacting in a couple of the scenes. The Bambi and Thumper scenes? Not the best actresses… 

The acting? Bambi and Thumper? Not the greatest actresses. I hope they didn’t pay those girls too much for that performance, because it really wasn’t worth it. 

The effects? The effects are actually starting to get better. You can tell, noticeably. Things in this movie are a lot different than they were back in “Dr. No”. 

Fighting in an elevator. Talk about fighting in close quarters. There’s hardly even room to throw a punch. Every time he pulled his arm back he broke another window. That must’ve been very uncomfortable. 

Diamonds in the body. It’s brilliant when you think about it, because what can hurt diamonds? So, why not just burn everything to dust, and then just wash the dust off? Seems easy enough to me. 

Plenty O’Toole. If that isn’t a Bond girl name right there. And Bond even says “Well, of course you are…” When she introduces herself to him. 

Ladies are lucky. The dealer says “Lady roller. Ladies are lucky.” When Plenty goes to shoot the dice. When did that become a thing? I don’t know why I find that so funny, I just do.  

More than my hands up. Back in Bond’s room, Plenty takes her dress off and goes into the bathroom. Bond turns the light on to see several men with guns and he says “You caught me with more than my hands up.” Now, that’s wit right there. Has a gun aimed at him, AND an erection, and still has time to crack a joke. That’s how you secret agent… 

I didn’t know. The guy throws Plenty out the window, she falls in the pool and Bond says “impeccable aim”. And then the guy says “I didn’t know there was a pool there.” And Bond just slaps him in the mouth. That is a great scene for a couple of different reasons.

The elephant. The elephant plays slots and sees three elephants. I don’t know why I thought that was a funny gag. Maybe it was just something about seeing an elephant in a Bond movie. 

The moon landing. They did fake the moon landing! The proof is right here, in Diamonds Are Forever!  

Bambi and Thumper. The overacting, underachieving, gymnast twins. Bond literally stood up, took each of them in one hand and dunked their heads underwater like schoolchildren. 

Q’s cheating at slots. Q, the head of Research and Development at MI6, is systematically walking up and down the row of slot machines with an invention of his that manipulates RPMs. He’s cheating the casino out of hundreds of thousands of dollars, and he’s allowed to do it.  

Blofeld escapes. Blofeld refuses to let his underlings surrender and he refuses to admit defeat, and then immediately after refusing, he calls for his escape submarine and high tails it out of there.  

Bond’s one-liner. Bond’s one-liner in this movie isn’t until all the way at the end when he’s fighting Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. Mr. Kidd gets set on fire and thrown into the ocean, and Mr. Wint gets his arms pulled back between his legs and a bomb strapped to his hands and thrown overboard. And Bond gives the line “Well, he certainly left with his tail between his legs…” That’s Secret Agent wit right there.  

So, yeah. Go and see Diamonds Are Forever. It’s the last James Bond movie with Sean Connery, so you should see it anyway. And as always, keep on watching, with a smile on your face…